Having Low Self-Esteem – You Just Can’t Help Yourself, Or Can You?
Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? Thinking you are not worth anyone's attention, but still convinced the whole world is constantly - and obsessively - watching your every move. Oh irony!
Nothing to be ashamed of though. We’re all busy positioning ourselves in the world. It’s called social interaction. As a species, we need it to survive and reproduce.
Still, it’s hard to find a calm spot in this urban jungle, I know! Maybe you can relate? Following everyone else’s direction but your own.
Dealing with low self esteem, you just can’t help yourself, or can you?
These Three Monstrous Beliefs Can Make You Too Dependent on Others
Dearest you, by thinking others are better or know best, you’re giving them too much power over you. You’re setting unreasonable standards you can’t measure up to – or anyone else for that matter.
Study shows that 7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or don’t measure up with looks, performance or relationships.
So it really is no surprise that as an adult you still can go through life believing:
- you are not enough; not smart, interesting, beautiful, successful or rich enough,
- that love, happiness or success are just not in the cards for you, or
- that you were born different, and therefore can’t connect with anyone.
You think these disabling beliefs just run through your veins- so no person can change that.
True. No one really can.
Unless that person is you!
In two steps I will try to help you
- Recognize your unhelpful pattern (this article) and
- Then follow the ten steps to Exit The Negative Cycle of Your Low Self-Belief
First Step to Reduce Your Low Self Esteem Is To Recognize Your Pattern
You have to break out of the spell you got yourself under. Because it's a repetitive pattern of one limiting thought feeding another keeping your low self esteem alive and kicking.
1. The Trigger
When triggered by a person or an event you’re experiencing a past trauma in the present. A wound that hasn’t healed yet.
Having low self esteem, you have a laser-sharp awareness of anything and everyone around you. Your triggers.
Translating words, subtle intonations, movements and being looked at ‘in a certain way’ into confirming – but undermining – thoughts: You see, no one likes me. Everyone can see right through me. I’m not qualified for the job. I’m not enough. I’m ugly. And so on.
You’d do anything to avoid feeling more worthless than you already do. So you think twice on how to act, when to act, what to say, where to be, who to be with and who to not be with.
Fighting your way out of the attack you think you’re under. With a reaction that is unreasonable and far from helpful.
2. Undermining Thoughts
Your mind has about 80.000 thoughts a day. Thoughts of people. Of what happened a year ago. And what might happen tomorrow. All based on convictions that reside in your subconscious mind, which is responsible for 90% of your actions.
Mostly you’re unaware of why you do what you do. And why you feel what you feel.
If your subconscious mind believes you are not enough, your conscious mind will comply by thinking you’re not cut out for that job or not worthy to be loved.
So it’s your thoughts that tell you you’re not wanted at the party. Or that you’re a failure at work. Your subconscious is stubborn and will stick to your beliefs until you learn to recognize and change them!
They really aren’t set in stone. Yet they keep existing because you keep feeding them. Thankfully there is a way to control the wicked mastermind behind your low self-worth.
3. Emotions Overpower Your True Self
When emotions take over stress happens. Instead of being a person that ‘only’ has these emotions, you become these emotions. Identifying your whole being with it. Leaving you paralyzed by sadness or felled by shame or guilt.
Of course you can’t think straight anymore!
This horrible feeling just comes so naturally you don’t know that it’s the cause of your headaches, fast pulse, sleepless nights, overwhelmed head, depression, sadness, tense shoulders, or worse.
Please remember this: feelings like shame, guilt, jealousy, anger and fear is your inside world telling you that what you’re doing somehow isn’t matching what you really need.
Such a waste of your precious energy.
4. Reject Feeling Your Emotions
Of course you don’t like how these energy-draining emotions feel. So you push it away and start adapting the living daylights out of yourself.
Either by blaming someone else.
Or working your ass of being the best, by being friendly, patient, flexible or excelling at something. But also staying low and being dutiful to avoid conflicts, problems or failure. You could even be surviving your way through life with all of the above.
First, it’s important to start seeing the sunny side to your low self belief. Insecurities let everyone develop their unique set of wonderful qualities. Thanks for being such a loyal and hardworking employee!
But it’s even more important to know when to stop overdoing it. And keep the balance. Too much of anything has never done anyone any good.
5. Reject Yourself
You feel stupid for feeling sad because - you think – no one wants your company. I know I’m boring, so I can’t blame them.
By rejecting your emotion the vicious cycle will grow stronger.
So not your feeling of loneliness is the problem, but rejecting your sadness will actually make you reject yourself. Loneliness is nothing more than being stuck with the one person you don’t like, you.
There you go, you’re back for another turn in the not-so-merry-go-round.
How to get unstuck
It can be hard to recognize to see the negative loop you’re in. This repeated behavior has affected all your daily actions. Mostly without you knowing that you yourself are maintaining the associated pain.
It’s time you decide to break the pattern and boost your self esteem.