Your low self-belief helped you evolve into a superhuman with amazing survival tactics. But what if those tactics become a major burden and suck the joy out of life? Learn how to see the sunny side of your low self-belief. And let it help you in life.
I am weird, dumb and just not interesting. Everyone can see right through me.
You're at a party. Not connecting with anyone. You're trying hard. Targeting some safe-looking person to start a conversation with. But the feeling that you're a bother gets confirmed when you get the ‘oh-you-poor-child’-look. Or the conversation ends abruptly as they suddenly head for the toilet.
You see, I suck!
It’s my own fault. Deal with it.
Do you recognize these destructive thoughts? I used to have them all the time. Decades of research (yeah in your own head silly!) on how everyone else is more successful, attractive and interesting than I am. Feeling uneasy and alone. Sadness, jealousy and shame were monsters that followed me everywhere.
Why can’t I be you?
You try to adapt. You know..to be normal. Earn other’s approval, by being funny and interesting. It’s you losing yourself to the opinion you think others have of you. It’s exhausting. You don’t like yourself at all.
You’ve mastered a destructive art
You’re working on your life’s performance, only to get the acceptance of others. And to let yourself believe that you’re okay. You are implying that the other - colleague, neighbor, partner - is more important than you.
But hallelujah…your low self belief made it rain superpowers!
Behind those rainy clouds the sun has always been shining on you! So you'd better believe that your low self-belief made you evolve into a superhero with wonderful survival tactics. And that’s fantastic! We all do it. It makes you a beautiful and unique person. ‘What a lovely, modest, and funny girl, isn’t she?’ Maybe you’re a good listener. Or very responsible, driven, a good planner, persuasive or loyal. These are strong qualities that can help you, and others, enormously in life.
The less good news is when you enter the pitfall of overdoing everything and those special survival tactics suck the joy out of living.
As a result modesty becomes an unhealthy way to always put yourself last. An overload of loyalty can make you too dependent on the other. And always being lovely and funny wears you out completely.
You feel horrible because you’re living a lie.
Getting back in the driver’s seat
Fortunately you can change your unnecessary suffering and free yourself from daily stress. And be in full control of your happiness. At parties, in relationships, at work, anywhere.
The thing is until now you’ve only had your negative thoughts at your steering wheel. The good news is you're in complete control over your thoughts. So your first step to self-confidence is to change the driver!
Instead of only your thoughts, your feelings should be your true guide in life. Feelings reside in your stomach or heart. Anywhere but your head. I call it my higher self, intuition or gut feeling. So by all means, let your feelings grab the wheel and hit the road!
You have the power!
I know it’s tough to break free. Your coping methods were your best friends for decades. But you're changing. Think of today as an important step towards independence. Take one step at a time and have trust. Not anymore will your thoughts have full control over you.
One Step At a Time
Please know that it’s a learning process in which you will fall back to old behavioral patterns. From now on you will recognize it when that happens. It’s just how change works. It’s normal. Every small step is one in the right direction. Be proud of yourself. And trust that all will be fine, because you have the power to make it fine.
Free Your Mind
Take little meditation breaks. Go to yoga classes. Inhale. Exhale. Take small - or long - walks and think of your feet. Feel them touching the ground. The earth underneath will help you let go of disturbing thoughts and be in the moment. Now is exactly where you should be.
Share Your Thoughts With a Friend or Family Member
It is so important to find love and understanding when you are struggling. It will help you heal and make steps forward.
Seek counseling through coaching or other professional guidance
Let someone help you discover and research your convictions and coping methods. Really, responsibility, loyalty and being a good listener are such good features. Learning when to stop when it’s not serving you anymore is the most precious gift you can give yourself.
So…if you want to play Superhuman, you got it! Start today and give us all you‘ve got!
But by now you know we’d all much rather see you as you are. You are wonderful and you know it. You can start owning it.